I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
