does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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