you didnt know i had herpes?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
