If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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