What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
