I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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