I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
