Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
