I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
