Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
