i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
