People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
