just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
