I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
