Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
