Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
