So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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