She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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