Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
