Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
