I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
