It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
