video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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