based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
