I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
