do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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