u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
