I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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