Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
