yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
