its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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