Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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