I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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