they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
