It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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