I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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