All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
