Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
