Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
