he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
