dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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