accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
