oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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