So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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