PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
