Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
