All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize