You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
