I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
