fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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