guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
