separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
