and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
