I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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