Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
