ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
