Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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