Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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