Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
