I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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