I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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