GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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