Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
FUCK WHALES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
